The gift my mother gave.

Part of what I love about this season are the memories that reenact themselves in my mind, some memories are brought up by a song, or a smell and some by something someone does or I do.  There are a few memories that I have that I replay more often then others.

This year my family and I took part in purchasing gifts for foster children, we try to do something every year to give back and this is what we did this year.  I am blessed to be married to a man that is a natural born giver.  I too enjoy giving and I believe this was shaped at a young age, but most importantly when I was a teenager.  This is a Christmas that shaped the way that I gave, the heart that I gave from and understanding that I serve a God that gave lavishly to me by sending his son.

My freshman home room class adopted a family and had all month to collect toys, money, food and toiletries for them.  A few of my friends and I signed up to deliver this bundle the day school let out for Christmas break.  I saw the laundry basket in the corner and as I glanced at it, I could still see the bottom of it.  I called my mom, who was about to head over to pick us up to go give this basket and told her the dilemma.  I knew that we could never present this to this family, I did not feel right about giving this but I also did not feel right about asking my mom for money so we could buy an extra gift.  Without even having to ask her she just quietly asked my friends and I in the car and asked how much money our class had raised.  We replied "$25.00." She said "Okay lets go to the store and see how far we can make that stretch!"  We willingly went with her, after all if anyone could make a penny stretch it would be my mom.

As we walked through the store, she just kept loading up the cart, not even looking at prices just piling and piling up goods.  We went to the toy dept. and again, nothing was too much.  As we approached the check out I looked up at my mom, she knew the look I was giving and without having to ask she said to me "Whatever the Lord orders he pays for"  I knew what she meant was, giving is not something that we should think about doing, it is something that we should be doing.  

My mom did not stop there, after we left the store with toys, groceries, and toiletries in tow she stopped off at a Christmas tree farm and purchased the most beautiful tree on the lot.  Did I mention that she purchased Christmas decorations and a bountiful Christmas dinner for this family we had yet to meet?  She left no detail untouched.  

As we approached this house (if you could call it that) my mom quietly walked to the door and said "Hi I'm Janie and I believe you are expecting us!"  a small sum of kids came to the door shyly waiting behind their mom, the mom extended her arm and guided my mom inside.  As she signaled us in with the goods and presents, I watched the face on this women... The tears in her eyes, the smiles on the faces of these children this was what Christmas was about.  Giving extravagantly as God gave to us.  As we left my mom let her know everything that was there, I know that my mom must have said other things to her, but truth be told I was swept away.  We drove home listening and singing along to my mom's favorite Christmas c-d and went on with our seasonal traditions.  Years later I still tell that story, I revisit it often with my mom.  The beautiful example of giving she gave me still echos in my life, and has become a great passion of mine.  What I learned that Christmas is you can't out give God, because the blessing that you receive in return will take you for a lifetime.

Have a very merry Christmas and may you find peace and solace by worshiping at the feet of the greatest most extravagant gift God could ever give.

behind the Facebook post

My facebook post will always say that I have completed some task, show a picture of the dinner that I created, slaved over and cooked, or have pictures of me smiling with my cute little family but folks that's not my reality.  My reality is summed up by the events of today.

5:30am- woke up to the sound of my boys (who share a room) who should still be asleep throwing cars around in their room.  Yelling at each other.  My first thought is split between "You've got to be kidding me" and "Jesus get me through this day"

6am- We are all downstairs watching cartoons and I am trying to nurse a baby that just wants to sleep but if I do not nurse her then it will throw the whole out the door to school rush.

7am- getting cereal down from the cupboard
only to watch sugar ants crawl all over the place... these guest were not invited to dine with us for breakfast.. and they are everywhere.

7:15- on phone with doctors office, Connor gets into something, discovered it was paint and proceeded to paint on the stairs.  When I took it away he chased after me and kicked me.  He is three and owns his age.

7:45- baby that did not want to nurse now suddenly needs to... this second.

8:30- out the door to school... crap I forgot my sons jacket.

9:00 successful drop off.  now off to get the jacket and a steamer (hot drink) for my sons teacher whom I discovered is sick and could use some cheering up.

9:15- drop off drink and coat.

9:30 nursing again.

10:30- baby screaming, huge mound of laundry, dirty dishes with sugar ants crawling all over them in the kitchen.  I am starting to feel like I am on an episode of hoarders with all the fruit flies and sugar ants.

by this point I know that baby needs to sleep, so I resort to the old I am desperate for her to sleep so I will run a not so important errand just to accomplish this.

11:00- middle child gets mad unbuckles the car seat gets out of car seat and tries to hit me this is while the car is moving 35mph.  (most of the time he is a little angel, but waking at 5:30am has created the polar opposite in him)

I defused this tantrum.  NOT fun for either party involved. by this time I am wondering if military school has a preschool program.

11:33- kindergarden pick up, Blaine had a great day.

12pm- kids fed, now quiet time/nursing again.

12:30pm- kids running upstairs, throwing fits, I am realizing this idea of quiet time is not going to happen.  I close my eyes and for a moment I am somewhere else sipping a martini.

1pm- attempt to take a shower, just before I get in I hear shreiking.  Blaine bashed Connor over the head with a coule blocks and a car all because he felt Connor was in his space.  This reopens a gash in the back of Connors head from a couple weeks ago when his head met the coffee table and needed stitches.  Blood everywhere.

1:45- taking shower

2pm- nursing and grateful I was able to take a shower.

3:15pm- finally drying my hair. baby not wanting to sleep. swaddle and head over to one of the soon to be sleep crutches -baby papasan swing-

4:00- can't take the kids inside one more min. they go outside to play with worms and slugs. while I clean the kitchen, do the laundry and tidy up the down stairs. My friend that I had to cancel a play date with arrives with a gift for baby girl and cookies for my crappy day

4:30- nurse.

5pm- go to make dinner.  waffles. don't judge. discover that the sugar ants have gotten into some waffle mix and made it into their own ant farm. Quick pinterest.  homemade waffles here we come.

This was a picture that I took not long after my second was born... My house looked similar to this today, only with some added sugar ants and darker muddier carpet.  So you see what my facebook post might read is this: "Had a busy day but excited to have waffles and an easy night."  Things are not always what they seem.  I am starting to feel the tole of having three young ones.  I seldom get to leave the house with make up on anymore and I have forgotten what more than three hours of consecutive sleep looks like.  At the end of this day I can laugh.  I can also consider it a monumental victory that the dishes and laundry were completed and dinner was on the table.  quoted from one of my favorite movies it takes "baby steps" to walk through each day.  It is about the Lords agenda not mine.  I may make my plans but he determines my steps.  Today I felt as though the steps were not as easy as some days.   hopefully tomorrow will be different.  I am learning more and more as each day comes and goes, and that my strength only comes from the Lord.  I can't do everything, but through him I can do anything.

7pm- kids in bed. my feet up.

Adjusting to "Normal"

Wow it happened, she is one month.  We have been a family of five for one month, and I have discovered how little sleep one can run on for one month.  I get asked frequently how we are adjusting? how I am doing?... I have come up with this one answer: I am not adjusting, I am flexing to life everyday.  I have found that I cannot adjust to an ever changing life, I can only flex to it, or simply give in to it.  The moment that I adjust or proclaim that we have adjusted is the minuet that life throws us a curve ball and I once again try to figure out how to adjust to it.  I am not sure that I am supposed to adjust, I spent the better part of this month trying to adjust or look like I was adjusting.  When I decided to let that idea go, I lived.

I am still stumbling through the fog of having a newborn, but I am thankful.  Thankful that I have a husband and three kids that extend grace to me everyday and through that they have taught me what grace means. 

So here's to the end of this month, here's to the beginning of another and here is to enjoying peace in the midst of living life!

~Stephanie